Dating the ex husband


You chronicled your tumultuous separation that eventually mellowed into a strange period wherein you hung out quite a bit in some kind of confused limbo. You learn he’s talking to other women, you talk to other men.

You wrote about your confusion: are we doing the right thing by divorcing? But we’re so toxic together and sometimes love just ain’t enough. You learn he’s seeing other women, you see other men.

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When it all gets too confusing, you remind yourself what those last couple years of marriage were like. Adrift on a sea of self-hatred which you direct at each other, self-medicating with food and alcohol and excellent TV series binges. Like riding in a fast-moving car without a seat belt. He says things to you no man has ever said, he romances you like nobody ever has. You’re supposed to keep writing about all of it but you don’t know what to write because it’s all so confusing.

But you’re determined to move forward because if you’ve learned one thing in the past year it’s that life is finite and you don’t want to waste another second of it wallowing in an unhealthy relationship that three children are viewing from front row seats. Yes, he knows all the buttons to push to flood you with rage but he also knows that you would far prefer wildflowers to roses and Doritos to chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Should you continue to share because, again, this is something a lot of people can relate to and you’ve had such a positive experience with readers thus far in your journey?

You try not to pay attention to the details of his new life because you know that a huge divorce hurtle is overcoming the moment you realize your ex-lover has become someone else’s lover — so you do your best to float above it all and keep telling yourself you want him to be happy. But you have this niggling feeling that maybe you’re making the worst mistake of your life. There we were, eating the Doritos he gifted me with and sipping the red wine I bought him. Use a Facebook account to add a comment, subject to Facebook's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.

Or maybe you just feel that way because divorce is the scariest thing you’ve ever experienced in your life. So you keep on keeping on because it wouldn’t be fair to suck your ex back into the drama you’ve spent the past year working so hard to overcome. As I write this tonight at my house he’s 25 miles down the road at his place with the kids because it’s his night. Your Facebook name, profile photo and other personal information you make public on Facebook (e.g., school, work, current city, age) will appear with your comment.

It’s not an accident,” says Catherine Tucker, a therapist in Sacramento, California.