I quietly excused his behavior because I did not want to believe what I already knew.
We continued like this until a rainy April day in 2015. “I treated you differently because of it, yes,” he said. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still carry some scars about all the months I didn’t fully understand the root of his behavior (or was in denial). But hidden within my analysis after our relationship ended was that aforementioned lesson: My ex did not love me, as he once claimed — at least, not in any way I consider worthwhile.
Regaining that ability didn’t happen overnight for me, but I am back to trying complete vulnerability again.
It is important to know, however, that these feelings can be treated.
Free depression hotlines can help people understand their feelings and guide them to the best mental health resources.
After writing a book about relationships and watching so many people live out some incredible love stories, I have a lot of hopes for those who are still searching.
If that’s you, let me just say that I hope you find someone who makes you feel seen.
These cycles continued throughout our on-and-off relationship.